Today I sent a call for inspiration out to Twitter:

"Quick! I've got about an hour! I need inspiration!"

The first response I received was:

"@The_Daver panda bears! alkatraz! Whether or not @MommyWantsVodka is wearing shower shoes or gleefully courting foot fungus!"

So here you go. I got two out of three...

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There's a scent in the block; not the usual prison scents of stale sweat and excrement, but a thick mineral scent: like I can smell the drips of water forming limestone. It's been here since I've been here; I can't get it out of my nose, even when we head out to...

The yard. I miss the yard. I've been in solitary for a week now, the first of six I'm serving. I use my claw to scrape a line in the wall every time I see the sun rise. I mean, I don't really see the sun, just the line of light through the crack in the corner, but it's enough. A day has passed. They slide some eucalyptus under the door at night, and in the morning. I've been stashing some away, just in case.

How did I get here? Last week I was just another panda in prison. Alcatraz. White-collar crime, you know. Look at my face; how could you not trust me with your money? My big white belly couldn't hurt you, unless maybe I sat on you. So yeah, I took your retirement savings and dropped it into some stuff on the market, and yeah, maybe I did go ahead and bet against you in the marketplace and then take home the profits. But it was all supposed to bounce back; I was going to hit my 50 mil and then buy back your investments, I swear! It wasn't my fault the bubble burst.

Anyhow, so I was out on the yard, minding my business, and some fool tries to shank me, says I bankrupted his grandma and now she was in some state nursing home dying. I told him, look, if they'd let me be I would have paid her back, but they threw me in here, took away my license, I can't do shit now. He just kept coming, so I had to do what I had to do, you know?

People think pandas are fat and slow, but I have to tell you, I whipped around Dragon Warrior style and put that motherfucker in his place. Life or death, yo.

So here I am, in solitary, smelling this stink. Warden told he he never saw a panda move so fast, that he thought he might have some special tasks for me after my lockdown. Maybe I can run his books or something.

I'll take what I can get.